AFFAIR TRAUMA COUNSELLING
Repair After Affair
3 Hour Intensive Session
1 Day Intensive
2 Day Intensive
Affairs can have a traumatic effect on a relationship, so it is essential to deal with this trauma fast. Trauma counselling is all about asking the right questions, at the right time, and encouraging healthier, happier dialogue. It is also about establishing what we call 'rhythms of connection.'
CAN A RELATIONSHIP RECOVER FROM CHEATING?
This is a perfectly reasonable question to ask, especially as this could be one of the most traumatic experiences where you feel alone and isolated.
​
Other questions that we are often asked include:
​
How to have a healthy relationship after cheating?
How to trust someone again after cheating?
How to rebuild a relationship after cheating?
How to save a relationship after cheating?
Do you forgive a cheating boyfriend (or girlfriend)?
What to say to a cheating boyfriend (or girlfriend)?
What to do when your partner cheats on you but you still love them?
With so many questions, it is clear many people are not ready to abandon their loved ones. So why is it often taken as a fact of life that an affair must spell doom for the relationship?
HOW TO FIX A MARRIAGE AFTER INFIDELITY, AND HOW TO MOVE FORWARD IN A RELATIONSHIP AFTER CHEATING
It is essential to act fast in light of an affair: what you do within the first few days is often crucial.
​
Trauma counselling enables couples to create a space for talking about the pain in a manageable and open way, without ending the relationship. Establishing this space is very important in the immediate aftermath of the affair; it serves to ask the right questions immediately. In this early phase, couples can be at each other’s throats; this is in some ways a natural response — but it is a self-destructive path.
​
Trauma counselling is about managing these emotions and asking the right questions — questions that re-establish lost connections and set the relationship on the pathway to resolution as early as possible. Only then, once the right questions are being asked, can we then make that all-important second step:
TRAUMA COUNSELLING ESTABLISHES RHYTHMS OF CONNECTION AND INTIMACY
Now that healthy, honest dialogue is established, the next logical step is to create what we call rhythms of connection. Psychologists have understood the importance of these rhythms for many years. They are all about synchronization. Sometimes even healthy dialogue may appear not to be working; often, this is a result of each partner arguing from different moral matrices. That is, they often fail to see each other’s perspective. Rhythms of connection are essential to bridge these perspectives together.
​
Once these connections are established, we can journey together to analyze the traumatic event, not as an obstacle, but an opportunity: a gift to help them grow to new levels of connection and intimacy. A part of this process may involve, talking to the children (if any), and even relatives and friends if necessary.
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP TRAUMA COUNSELLING
In the immediate aftermath of the traumatic experience, I provide an Intensive process of 3 days. These sessions exist to:
​
Establish an honest, open, healthy dialogue.
Open the channels of what we call ‘rhythms of connection’.
Once the channels are open, we then sit down and ‘journey’ with couples in an additional three-hour session.
​
In my experience, a struggling couple caught up in an affair will need at least six months of intense work and guidance in order to work through the pain and have the greatest success. Remember, the biggest mistake a couple can make is to try the journey on their own out of shame or any other reason. Often such attempts are misguided and have a high failure rate.
​
To enhance the value of your therapy sessions and reduce the number of sessions needed, I've developed an online resource, Repair After Affair, where couples can delve into the theory of infidelity. By gaining a comprehensive understanding of the dynamics and stages of affair recovery at your own pace, you can reduce the time spent in therapy.
​
Read: Road to Redemption - a collection of fictional couples stories.
If you want to repair the affair, don’t hesitate to contact me so we can start a healthy dialogue before we get to work. For more information and book your session, call Couples Help on +27 (0) 60 951 3955 or email info@coupleshelp.co.za.
​
For more information on all things to do with couples, marriage, sex, and more, please check out my blog. I have an ultimate guide on marriage counselling and marital status in South Africa, including Pretoria and Johannesburg.
Recently Launched
Online Course: Repair after Affair
I have been working on an online course version of my Repair after Affair Intensive Restoration Counselling and it is now available. Through a collection of ebook pages, real couple's stories and practical worksheets, this online resource aims to help you better understand the trauma you are experiencing, and guide you through the healing process.